How I met Dino The Dinosaur

Dino The Dinosaur
Originally uploaded by Rohit.Jayakaran

OK, I am being honest here...I have never done this before and it kind of amused me. Last evening after work, I had to attend the birthday party of a one year old. Now this may seem like an easy enough thing to do for most people, but for me it involved doing something I have not done before...basically shop for someone who is over 2 decades younger than I am. I mean...how am I to know what is hip and happening in baby land? What will kids think if he has an out dated toy? Isn’t it tough enough to buy gifts for adults?

Anyways my thoughts were on what to buy the little baby. The one thought that was very strongly running through my mind was to get the kid a mobile phone. You see, you get simple black and white mobiles for Rs.1500, and since kids love to pick up mobile phones and throw them around...wouldn’t it be a neat thing to get a kid a mobile phone of his own. Then I figured that it may not be the best thing for a kid to receive a call on the phone when he is just one year old telling him to pay his bill before the due date...worse still someone asking him if he wants a credit card...I figured that at the tender age of ONE, all you should be worried about it who will clean your poopoo when you poopoo in your chaddis.

That brought me to the next possible gift in the toy shop...How about a "Learning to Poopoo Can be Fun Set". This really does exist...it is to teach kids to get potty trained. Except that this costs Rs. 3999. At that price I might as well get the kid a colour mobile to "PICK and THROW"...

And then I came across “Dino The Dinosaur”. He does NOTHING…and I mean it…N..O..T..H..I..N..G...He has 4 wheels (Like all Dinosaurs) and a string tied around his neck. All the kid does is DRAG HIM AROUND. How exciting!!!

I am told that kids love Dino the Dinosaur...but the person who told me this was the sales girl in the shop who was later quite amused when I walked to the parking lot and got into my 4X4 Gypsy with a toy dinosaur wrapped in teddy bear gift wrapping paper.

Now that’s what I call a Kodak Moment...

This is why I love Bangalore

Where Am I
Originally uploaded by Rohit.Jayakaran

There you go...look at this photograph and tell me where in Bangalore do you think I was when I took it?

Muummmuumm...

What???

I didn't quite get that...Muummmummm…ok…give up???

Now this is why I love Bangalore, you will not be able to tell where in the City you are at any point in time but you can very well find PG Accommodation within walking distance.

For those of you who are wondering what PG Accommodation is, well it is an age old concept, where there is an old loving couple with one son or daughter who has now gone overseas to work or study and as a result his/her room is now empty. To fill the void in their lives, the couple decides to rent the room out to a young student or professional who wants to stay with a loving family and eat home cooked food.

Ah...such a nice thing no? But in Bangalore there is one SLIGHT difference. Basically we got rid of the OLD couple...made them move out of their room, put 3 beds in that room, then in the son/daughter's room we put in two more beds, the living room had place for 4 beds...and there you go...PG Accommodation - Nine people in a 2 bedroom house...For more information and to find yourself some super accommodation just like this, call any of the numbers you find in the picture...Oh...ya...keep Five Thousand Rupees handy...because that’s how much its gonna cost you.

I don't do Airport Pickups.

The Gypsy
Originally uploaded by Rohit.Jayakaran

I would like to introduce you to a new friend of mine. I am trying to work out what to call her, but the best I have been able to come up with up till now is "The Bengal Tiger"...except that if she is a SHE...it should be "The Bengal Tigress" but that just sounds weird. So for now we will just call her "The Unnamed SUV", although you can suggest names in the comments section of this blog.

Few things I need to say though...some of you may have seen my previous car and may notice that the colour GREEN is common to both vehicles. This I must add is just pure coincidence...Green is not my favorite colour...I love turquoise blue...he he he he…NO...I am kidding...Since I can just about recognize the primary colours...Blue would be the correct answer to that question.

Since I picked up this Unnamed SUV, I have noticed that it’s quite a bit of fun to drive. You will not believe how well it can get around traffic. Also ever since I picked her up, I have been able to create a long list of really hot women who REFUSE to enter my SUV. All I can say ladies is, "You know what you are missing...a hot dusty bumpy ride."

Also I have a feeling I am gonna get calls from friends over the next few days to assist them with shifting their houses...transporting TV's, Washing Machines and Fridges...Please feel free to call me anytime for assistance, I have all the numbers of professionals who do this commercially...I am PREPARED...

NO...I do not pick people up from the Railway Station, Bus Station or the Airport. Take an auto or a Cab, don't be cheap.

And YES you can drive my Unnamed SUV, I have a cheque drop box in glove compartment, make the Cheque payable to 'Rohit Jayakaran', once it clears, I will call you...and let you drive.

Ladies and Ladies...I present a Techno Geek...Really

Kiran Kumar
Originally uploaded by Rohit.Jayakaran

The reason I am referring to the Ladies ONLY...is because some market research has come back about my website and my blog...and results show that 96% of my website traffic is from women...so...if you are a GUY and you are on my site...you are part of the 3% minority (1% said OTHERS). If you don't believe my research, BOO HOO HOO. Buzz off...ask your dear friend the SEARCH BOX on the Google Site for "Another" random site with rants of someone going through their quarter life crisis in Timbuktu... OK NOW SHUT UP...you are disturbing me.

Yes I was gonna tell you about Kiran who is one of the Engineers at our Studios at the Radio Station. Now...until this evening I had NO idea he was a NUMBER ONE TECHNOLOGY GEEK... and I though I was the only one who had forgotten to take the vaccine when I was a kid and ended up addicted to technology...till over a cup of coffee Kiran showed me HIS CAR.

(WARNING : GEEK TALK)
(If you understand everything I have said in the paragraphs below, Congradulations YOU ARE A GEEK…)
(Ya and it does not make you cool if you don’t understand what I have said below…need I say what you are???)

Let me describe it to you...Kiran has a Audio Cassette Player...yes one of those things that plays Cassettes...Where is the technology geek angle you ask??? WAIT NO...I will tell you...this is MY STORY...go with my pace...if you wanna jump ahead, visit your dear friends at Google and they will direct your traffic elsewhere...

Ok back again...so...since he has an Audio Cassette Player, which for obvious reasons cannot play MP3's, Kiran has picked up a ‘Stereo Pin to Audio Cassette Converter’. This is a cool little gadget that is in the shape of an Audio Cassette and fits into the Tape Deck and transfers data to the head of the player and then fools the player into believing you have a cassette inside where as you are actually feeding information through the stereo pin from your portable MP3 player. (I warned you about the GEEK TALK)

Now if you have been following me, (I am sure a lot of your are NOT) you will realize that there is no need for the cassette player’s motor to rotate when you have the dummy tape inside the deck...so Kiran has opened up his music system, (on his OWN may I add) and installed a little switch which can cut power to the motor when he is listening to music from his MP3 player...all this to prevent “Wear and Tear to the Motor in Bangalore Traffic.”…Ahhhh...wait wait...there is MORE...All this music is played out through a....wait for it...8.1 Surround sound system.
8.1……8.1

Oh ya…one last thing…Did I mention the car is a Tata Indica.

Coffeeasana

Coffee with Jayakaran
Originally uploaded by Rohit.Jayakaran

Since I am not one of those people who is into Yoga or any age old traditions (Apart from eating well and exercising less) I decided that as we celebrate 60 years of Indian Freedom, I am gonna introduce my very own YOGA ASANA...its called..."Coffeeasana"...if you need instructions on how it is performed...buzz off, "YOU ARE A GEEK!!!"

Happy Independence Day...

60 Years of Craziness

Photo_0060
Originally uploaded by Rohit.Jayakaran

At Fever 104 today we have a fancy dress competition today...while some people did not read the email, some DID...Here are our two sound engineers - SOMA and SATISH...

Since most of us are in T-Shirts and jeans, we GIVE UP...the only way I can win this fancy dress competition is if I wear a Sari RIGHT NOW...

Ladies...HELP!!!

Here Comes the Judge

M E S Kishora Kendra
Originally uploaded by Rohit.Jayakaran

I love going down to schools and judging events and competitions. This morning I was down at MES Kishora Kendra for the second time to judge an event there. Its a lot of fun and brings back memories of when I was in School and College. These days when I judge an event, I can see how difficult it really used to be for judges in my competing days...to choose one person over the other. Sometimes you want to take just five minutes to talk to a participant to tell them what their strengths are and when their weaknesses are. The pity however is that in the middle of signing autographs, taking someone's song request and discussing a deep though with an audience member, in the distance you see a saddened contestant who did not make the cut feeling all alone and going home believing that they have been wronged...

SORRY...did I say I LOVE THIS??? Ok Now I wonder why...

(MES Kishora Kendra’s Anveshan 2007 / www.mesanveshan.com)

Chronicles of a Moo Cow

Moo Cow goes for 60
Originally uploaded by Rohit.Jayakaran

In exactly 5 days we celebrate 60 years of Freedom in India and my darling Moo Cow seems to be getting the branding right...his only question to you is, "Have you got your Branding, Bandana and Balloon Yet???"

Baby's day out

Baby in the Office
Originally uploaded by Rohit.Jayakaran

WARNING!!! I am not posting this picture because I want you to think I am sensitive...or some rubbish like that.

Here is the story...Baby Patel came to our studio/office this evening. He is quite a cute little fellow who looks exactly like his dad...sans the glasses of course...this does not go down well with Rubina though...who is the 3 month old’s mama.

In the photograph you also see Shanawas(Head of Sales)...and to the left Soma(Sound Engineer) as well.

Soma is trying to make animal sounds to amuse the kid...these animal sounds are just to confuse the kid into believing that his mom works in a zoo...I must mention here that SOMA is the one who thinks the Moo Cow I have on my desk is a Monkey...(You will find Photos on this page)

Shanawas surprised all of us, by being this really cool uncle to Baby Patel...and this is the first time he has spent over 5 minutes with ANYONE and not asked them to increase their Sales Revenues...all our Sales guys are very jealous...

Yes Mama, I cook!!!

The Kitchen
Originally uploaded by Rohit.Jayakaran

This is message to all the members of my family...
YES...I COOK...
Now get off my back.

That’s tonight’s dinner...Cutlets, Chapatis, Cheese...and the one thing that makes everything bearable for a bachelor...TOMATOE SAUCE.

In fact I am such a good cook, those who eat food I have cooked, never feel the need to eat again…or at least whenever I call them; they say they are full…

Celebrating 60 Sparkling Years of Freedom

Moo Cow is ready to Party
Originally uploaded by Rohit.Jayakaran

On the 15th of August, we will be celebrating 60 sparkling years of freedom all across India. Fever 104 FM has kicked off our celebrations by giving away 60 SPARKLING DIAMONDS...for 60 SPARKLING YEARS OF FREEDOM...

Don't you wish you live in Bangalore now...becuase if you were in Bangalore, you could win a Diamond on every show, every day till the 15th of August...

And NO...YOU CANNOT CHEAT...EVEN if you are NICE TO ME...

Barking Dogs Seldom Bite...

Photo_0051
Originally uploaded by Rohit.Jayakaran

They Say, "Barking Dogs Seldom Bite"...but these dogs are NOT barking...SHOULD I BE AFRAID???

Actually these two dogs work just next to my office...Yes..they have 9 to 5 jobs just like you and me...
One is the Manager of, www.Oh I am So Cute - Feed Me.Com
While the other is just sailing the DOT Com boom...

I call the dog on the left Manjula, and I call the dog on the right on his Cell Phone, he has free incoming...

60 Years of Freedom

60 Years of Freedom
Originally uploaded by Rohit.Jayakaran

In less than 2 weeks, India celebrates 60 years of freedom. However 60 years was not enough for this chap to figure out what the Map of India REALLY looks like. Come on dude!!! Were you blind folded or just plain drunk???

Psycho In Red - My First Song Available Online

For those of you who know me, you know that I am one of those people who does not mind being made fun off...I have no problem if you poke fun at me...or if you point out mistakes I have made. You also know that I quickly forget anything someone has done to me, which has hurt me or made me look like a moron while in a group of over 7 people.

You also know that the following two words mean nothing to me whatsoever, "Revenge."

Ahem..Ahem...if you know me well enough, you should know that you would be a MORON to point out any mistakes in this BLOG ENTRY...REALLY...

So the truth now...I am a Mean, Heartless, Bum...and will make fun of anyone or anything I come across...this is ONE SUCH STORY.

Its called Psycho in Red...just like Red Riding Hood...except very different.

So...One Day...someone in my office came to work dressed in...YES YOU GUESSED IT...RED...RED...RED...To add to this, my sweet Lady in Red was also wearing Headphones and Singing quite loudly...

Now for some reason I was reminded of the song "Lady in Red"...and in the middle of my show on the Radio found some time to change the lyrics of the song a little bit and re-record it with the assistance, skill and talent of Satish. (You will find him credited for other masti in the office as well)

May I warn you, that what you are about to hear is...ROHIT JAYAKARAN SINGING...However if you have an IQ that's higher than room temperature, you will know better than to make fun of my singing...or the cheesy lyrics...or the way I look and how short I really am...SO...MIND IT...

Click here for the song

"Psycho in Red".

Darius Sunawala

Darius Sunawala
Originally uploaded by Rohit.Jayakaran

Now for those who know Darius Sunawala, this may come as a bit of a surprise. This is a photo I took sometime ago…Here’s the story.

I was sitting in Darius' office...yes he has an office...complete with glass doors and YES...a COMPUTER...(Its amazing what perks you can get these days…did I mention he has Internet access as well…so no need to run down to the Browsing Centre three times a day…) ROHIT BEHAVE!!!

Ok, so now if you look at the photograph carefully, you will notice that Mr. Sunawala has some papers in front of him. Those were my Appraisal Forms. Yes we have Appraisal Forms in the Radio Business, money does not grow on trees…except it you sell mangoes…(But DO NOT tell someone that when they tell you that money does not grown on trees…especially Parents and Teachers seem to find my ‘Mango Explanation’ the sort of thing that deserves ONE TIGHT SLAP)

Ok…Back to Darius…

The grin you see on his face is because I have just pointed out to him that NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS would I have imagined Darius to be doing this sort of PAPER WORK.

His response, “Ya Man.”…(As you can see, the cool lingo has gone nowhere, even though he is now BOSS MAN)

Ok...Now…since Darius is still my boss and he DOES my appraisals, I need to add that he is a Great Boss, a Wonderful human being and uses parking slot 2 in the basement to park his car.

Those of you who think I am sucking up to him, need to stop being so judgmental... Really...

Darius You ROCK!!!

SHUT UP...ALL OF YOU!!!

Hello Moto Ringtone...Anonymous for Legal Reasons

Now trust me when I say this post is being kept Anonymous for legal reasons...let me tell you why...I have been assured that if I reveal the name of the person whose ringtone this is, HE/SHE will kill me...the case will go to court and a very long LEGAL PANGA...in other WORDS...for LEGAL reasons...I shall say nothing about what you are going to hear, apart from this:-

1. I am one of those irritating people who keeps telling you NOT to keep your mobile phone lying around...
2. If you do keep it lying around, and your stars are unable to stand in a straight line and bring you good luck, I WILL CHANGE YOUR RINGTONE.
3. Below is the BEFORE and AFTER of the ringtone of someone who shall not be credited for LEGAL REASONS mentioned above.
4. Yes I can be very jobless sometimes...and hence the time to do these ringtone edits...(Click on the Photos Below)

(Hey if I am going to the grave for this, Satish...WHO ACTUALLY did the editing using my voice is coming with me...)